


The One With The Slaps

by Pixiestick_cc



Category: Friends
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:17:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiestick_cc/pseuds/Pixiestick_cc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Joey and Rachel's relationship actually began and didn't end with her slaps. A different take on 'The One With Ross's Tan' where Rachel and Joey stay together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic resulted from a Friends rewatch that left me wanting more from Rachel and Joey after they broke up. I don't plan to drag this fic out. Enjoy!

Rachel knew the real reason she had smacked Joey when he tried to move his hands away from her face and slowly down her backside during one seriously heavy make-out session. It had taken her the better part of a night to figure it out, but eventually the reason had crept into her brain after hours of contemplation.

At first she had been just as confused as Joey, although, unfortunately for him, the physical pain she'd caused couldn't be shared. He'd had to endure that all on his own … several times. Poor Joey. After one too many slaps, her new boyfriend had asked them to call it a night … in separate beds. His actual words were more along the lines of a plea. "Rach, I have to be on set tomorrow and if you hit me one more time I don't think Gladys will be happy with you."

Gladys was his makeup lady. She knew, because on several occasions Rachel had played the fangirl while accompanying Joey to the set of  _Days of our Lives_. When she had frowned in response, Joey had gently kissed her lips and said, "I'm not gonna act like I know what's going on up in there that's making you hit me," he patted the top of her head for emphasis, "But, maybe you should sleep on it and we can try again tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Joey," was all she could think of to say.

He'd shrugged it off, like it was no big deal and then went to go heat up a pizza pocket. "I've waited a long time for you. What's one more day?" he said between bites.

"Joey, don't you think it's a little late to be eating pizza? What about heartburn, not to mention we just ate all that food at the restaurant?" she asked, trying to deflect attention away from the awkward situation her slaps had caused.

"I'm a Tribbiani. We don't get heartburn," he'd said in an exaggerated way that made her laugh.

"Right, how could I forget that I'm dating the man who once ate a whole turkey by himself for Thanksgiving?"

He smiled and tossing his used fork into the sink, walked back over to her. "Actually, I keep Tums in the bathroom, because heartburn's a killer and with the way I eat, I get it a loooot," he whispered as if it was a big secret that he actually didn't have a champion stomach when it came to how much food he ingested.

Then Joey leaned down to kiss her. Rachel could taste the pepperoni still lingering on his lips, but she didn't mind. If one was going to be in a relationship with Joey Tribbiani then they would also have to be in a relationship with his food. When he pulled away, Joey paused to look at her as if wanting to say something else, but didn't.

"What?" Rachel pressed him.

Joey was quiet for a minute, before replying, "I don't know. Guess, I'm still in shock that you and me … well, yeah, you know." He shrugged it off as if embarrassed that he was letting his emotions for her show through.

Memories of how hard it had been for him when she originally didn't return his feelings, hit her hard and guilt set in at ruining what Joey had probably been thinking about for a long time … them finally getting intimate. His puppy dog eyes were torture as he stared back at her and rather than stare into their depths, Rachel hopped up off the couch she had been sitting on and said, "Me too."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him briefly, but not long enough that any slaps might be prompted by her psyche. Then Joey had gone to his room to sleep, but not before retrieving the Tums from the bathroom, while she went to her own to try and do the same.

His snores were loud through the thin wall that separated them and along with her thoughts, those noises kept her awake. Rachel spent most of the night trying to figure out the reason behind the physical abuse she'd inflicted on someone she loved and was very eager to move on to the next step with. It didn't make sense and she was afraid that her reflexive slaps weren't going to stop until the mystery was solved. The answer finally hit her somewhere between asleep and awake when hazy memories from years ago presented themselves to Rachel. They were ones she had pushed back into the cobwebbed corner of her mind, a place that wasn't visited all that often, because remembering them always made her upset.

Although, there was no eureka moment for her at finally having the answer, because it wasn't a cure. In fact, it felt to Rachel like admitting defeat, because she didn't think it was possible for her to look past the hang-ups that were haunting her and keeping her from sleeping with Joey. With a heavy heart at what she would have to do in the morning, Rachel finally succumbed to sleep.

When her alarm when off a few hours later, Rachel groaned miserably. Her night spent playing detective with her brain had afforded her little rest. Then she made another noise of discontent as the memory of what she would have to tell Joey came back like a bad headache. Her day was going to be a difficult one to say the least. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" she yelled at the loud beeps from her alarm clock, taking her frustration out on the inanimate object, and even if it were impossible, she felt like the thing became louder just to annoy her.

In a fit of frustration, the alarm clock was turned off with a slap just forceful enough to cause Rachel to tumble out of bed and release a startled shriek that replaced the clock's blare as the loudest thing in the apartment. She anticipated Joey running in to see what all the commotion was about and strained her ears to see if she could hear him. It was quiet, but that didn't mean anything. When Rachel finally gathered the nerve to pull herself up off the floor and greet her roommate/boyfriend, she was disappointed, but had to admit also a little bit relieved that he'd already gone to work.

The coffee pot was on with some of the hot beverage still inside for her. Next to it was a note from Joey apologizing for drinking all the milk and for him being the reason she would have to drink her coffee black. He promised to buy a gallon on his way home along with some of that caramel syrup he knew she liked to add to her morning coffee sometimes. As her eyes continued to follow the words down the paper, Rachel couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. Joey had filled the note with some nice sentiments about her that weren't much on the eloquent side or even spelled correctly, but what he lacked in vocabulary he always made up for in sincerity. Even if they were just words on paper, Rachel knew Joey meant every bit of it.

But then her smile faded at the realization that she needed to tell Joey as soon as possible that their romance couldn't continue. It wasn't fair to keep leading him on when there wasn't any hope for their future. Rachel stared at the note a little bit longer and sighed. Then placing it down, her hand reached for the phone. She was going to call in sick to work, because there was something more important to deal with than anything happening at Ralph Laruen that day.

Once the phone call was made, Rachel quickly showered and dressed before leaving in a dash to visit Joey. Along the way though, she did stop at Central Perk to pick up one of those muffins she knew Joey loved. Food would help soften the blow. Maybe a dozen of them would comfort him, she thought and despite knowing no amount of food would keep Joey's heart unbroken, Rachel went ahead and bought twelve. Twelve were better than one.

When she eventually arrived at the studio, carrying the large box of muffins, Rachel didn't have any trouble getting past security. The guards knew her well enough from her many tagalongs with Dr. Drake Ramoray and waved her through.

"Hey, Rachel," one of them said to her as she passed.

She didn't know his name and replied, "Hey …  _you_ ," with a wink, before heading up to the floor where they shot  _Days of Our Lives_.

Unfortunately for Rachel, the box she was carrying obstructed some of her view and after she stepped off the elevator and onto Joey's floor, her foot caught on some cable. She really wasn't sure what it was connected to, only that it caused her muffins to spill from their box. "Oh, no." she whimpered at the scattered food all across the floor.

Rachel began to place the muffins back, while also muttering soft irritations at her clumsy self. She glanced up once during her task and saw Gladys walk by. A smile of hello was ready on Rachel's lips, but she held back when it was apparent that Joey's make-up artist only wanted to greet her with a grimace. It was actually a bit frustrating that no one offered their help and when Rachel finally had all the muffins back in their box, she snuck into Joey's dressing room as inconspicuously as was possible for her being the woman who had dropped muffins all over the set of  _Days of Our Lives_.

Joey showed up a couple minutes later, no doubt the product of hearing gossip about some crazy muffin lady in his room. "Rach!" he said in a voice that conveyed excitement, but also confusion. "Were we supposed to meet today for lunch? … or muffins?"

His eyes swept over the open box she was still holding. Without waiting for her reply, he plucked one away and took a bite, only to make a face a few seconds later as he pulled a long black hair out of his mouth.

"Yeah, they might not be in the best condition. I dropped them on the floor," Rachel informed him.

It looked as if Joey was taking this information into consideration, but in the end didn't care and with a shrug, took another bite. Rachel was about to voice her disgust, but held back. Now wasn't the time. "Well, anyway there are eleven more dirty ones where that came from, some could possibly even contain more hair if you're lucky," she teased, placing the box on the counter where all Joey's make-up supplies were kept.

"Thanks," Joey replied, not seeming to catch on that her words had been a joke. "But what's the occasion?"

"Just wanted to say I'm sorry for last night." She wasn't being totally honest and knew their conversation would eventually have to lead down the path of heartbreak, but Rachel found her courage shrinking in the face of Joey … he just looked so innocent and cute.

"Well, I have to get back. I shouldn't be long, so if you wanted to wait for me, I could take you to lunch later. Unless you have to work."

"No, I took off the day to spend with you." Another lie.

"All right." Joey smiled enthusiastically and raised his eyebrows mischievously.

It was a facial expression Rachel was used to seeing on him and was one that usually preceded a flirty,  _How you doin'_ , although if he did say that now it wouldn't really fit with the conversation they were having. Still she saw hope in that smile of his and the exact opposite of what she had planned was happening. Rachel was leading him on.

"Hey, you didn't happen to see Gladys on your way in?" Joey asked, pulling Rachel from her thoughts.

"Actually, I did," Rachel replied. "And you know what, she didn't seem all that happy to see me."

Joey frowned. "Yeah, she's a little mad at you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Welllllll, Gladys may have noticed my cheeks were a bit redder than usual, so I told her about last night," Joey said in a confession that was rushed.

"Joey!" Rachel said, exasperated.

"I'm sorry, but the story just sort of came out and when it was, I felt better. It felt good telling someone else. Better than Chandler. He'd probably make a joke out of it for weeks and then Monica would know and she would tell Ross."

Rachel sighed at the mention of her ex and Joey took her little pause to make his escape, lest he have to face Rachel's irritation. "Well, okay bye. See you later," he said as he made his exit back out the door.

She would have gone after him, but decided the moment had passed. Walking over to the make-up chair with Joey's name printed on the back, Rachel settled in. The end of their relationship would now have to take place later. At least in the time she waited, Rachel could gather up her courage again. Releasing an unhappy groan, Rachel reached over and picked up one of the ruined muffins and took a bite.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Joey came back to get her, Rachel ended up eating two more muffins … mostly out of boredom, but also to give herself something to do. If she sat there just waiting, the guilt slowly started to creep in. She was prolonging this break-up, because she didn’t want to hurt him, but it wasn’t fair to keep Joey thinking everything was okay. Their situation was like a band aid, better to pull it off quickly than slowly draw each hair from its follicle … or something like that. The analogy made more sense when she first thought of it in her heard. Anyway … it meant the sting would be sharp, but gone quicker than if she kept pretending.

By the time Joey entered through the door, pulling Drake Ramoray’s long white jacket off, Rachel had resolved she would tell him right then and there. Only things didn’t go exactly how she had planned, because Joey instantly raced towards Rachel and kissed her firmly on the lips. Her determination waivered slightly as his arms snaked around her back, pulling her body closer into his. Then just as suddenly as it had begun, their intimate moment ended when Joey released his hold. Rachel had to work to steady her legs, since his unexpected kiss had left her weak kneed.

“Wha … What was that for?” Rachel sighed a bit too seductively, revealing the heat his kiss had warmed throughout her body. “And are you trying to get yourself slapped?” She added when her ability to talk normally returned.

“I wanted to give you something nice, before I ruined your day,” Joey admitted, a guilty grimace pulling his mouth downward. “But, hey … you didn’t slap me!” The boyish enthusiasm in his voice was endearing to Rachel.

“Yeah, because I knew it couldn’t lead to sex … at least not in your dressing room.”

Joey raised his eyebrows playfully. “Ah, yes it could have.”

Rachel pushed him gently away, afraid from his expression that he might attempt to kiss her again. “That’s beside the point,” she replied, knowing full well that with Joey sex could probably happen anywhere … even on a dirty dressing room floor. “Why did you kiss me? You said you were trying to make up for ruining my day. What do you mean? Is Gladys coming in here to lecture me?”

Joey shook his head. “No.”

“Then what?”

“Okay, but don’t get mad.” Joey’s eyes were full of puppy dog sadness as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I forgot that Ross planned to eat lunch with me today as a sort of apology for the way he acted the other night when we were over at his place with Charlie. He just called and said he was on his way,” Joey admitted, his frown from before returning to his face.

Rachel softly groaned and Joey placed a hand against her cheek, not guessing the real reason behind her unhappiness. “I’m sorry. I know you took the day off of work, so we could work on that _issue_ of yours, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

She would rather he didn’t. Rachel didn’t want Joey making up for anything. She was the one who was going to hurt him, but now obviously wasn’t the time to do that when Ross was going to be there any second. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. We can just have lunch some other time.” _But as friends_ , Rachel thought. “I’ll see you at home tonight?”

“Actually …” Joey said, drawing the word out like there was more he had to say, but didn’t want to, because he feared Rachel’s reaction.

“What?”

Joey went to kiss her again, but Rachel glided her lips away from his. “Joey, you can’t make up for everything by kissing me, you know that, right?” she said with a smirk.

He shrugged in response. “Gotta go with where my strength are.”

Rachel softly laughed, but still kept her mouth from meeting his. She didn’t want to add one more kiss or uh hair to be later ripped from its follicle … boy, that parallel to their relationship really wasn’t working for her anymore. She’d have to come up with something else before tonight, which was when their break-up would most likely happen now. “So …” Rachel prompted Joey, trying to force him to give her an answer that wasn’t in the form of a kiss.

“So, “Joey repeated. “When I told Ross you were here, he got all weird, laughing and saying that the three of us should all go to lunch together.”

“Oh, no. I can’t deal with another situation like the other night. Sorry, Joey. I have to leave before Ross gets-” But before she could finish her sentence and make a mad dash for the exit, the sound of the door opening brought Rachel’s attention over Joey’s shoulder and to the person entering … the one person Rachel wanted to avoid at that moment.

“Ross!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air as if his visit were a surprise, the happiness of her tone in stark contrast with her true feelings.

“Rachel!” Ross said back with the same enthusiasm, although his happiness edged a little closer to manic.

There was a moment of silence that followed where neither said anything, not really sure how to move beyond their initial greetings. Even though Ross had given his blessing for Joey to date her, it didn’t mean seeing them together wasn’t going to create another emotional breakdown for him. His usual knee jerk reaction to circumstances like this was to get all squeaky, high pitched and then claim he was fine … which, of course, he was not. That was when Rachel remembered she was still near Joey enough that their bodies hinted at a kiss Ross might have interrupted. Quickly, she nudged her boyfriend away and getting the hint, Joey gave her some distance. The silence persisted, blanketing the room with its awkwardness, until Joey suddenly said his name out loud.

Both Rachel and Ross turned their eyes away from each other and onto the one who had broken the tension. “What?” he said in response to their curious stares. “I was feeling left out. No one said my name.”

With a laugh, Rachel released the breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. Joey was trying to ease the strain on them the only way he knew how … by playing dumb. “Yes, how could we forget Joey? Who you are here to see, so I will now be leaving, but it was good to see you, Ross.” Rachel breezed through these words in an effort to keep anyone from objecting to her leaving.

But it didn’t work. Ross grasped her arm as she walked by him and said, “Now hold on. Joey said you took the day off to spend with him. There shouldn’t be any reason for me to come between that. Let’s make this a threesome … or uh … well, I can’t believe I said that. I mean go out to eat … the three of us. I’m sure we have lots to talk about.”

Ross was speaking that way again … the way that told Rachel he wasn’t at all okay with any of this, but his deluded mind was telling him to go along anyway. Her ex always had to try and make a situation better by making it worse. Rachel felt trapped, because any excuse she could use was already gone. She didn’t have to work and she didn’t have Emma to take care of, since her daughter was with the nanny. Maybe she could fake being sick. She did after all eat multiple dirty muffins.

Ross eventually released his hold on her arm and Joey came up to take her hand in his. The feeling comforted her and she found herself relenting. “Okay. Let’s go get lunch.”


	3. Chapter 3

After Rachel followed Joey through the entryway of their apartment and closed the door, she took a moment to turn around and knock her forehead against the door's wood grain a few times. Unfortunately, the magna doodle board hanging just above her, came loose during the multiple thumps and as a result added an unintentional bang to her head.

"Ow," she whimpered after it crashed down on her. "I know I was hitting my head already, but I didn't need any help."

Joey, who had been standing behind her, patiently waiting for her little tantrum to end, instantly twirled Rachel around to inspect her injury. "Does it hurt?"

"Not as bad as that lunch did," Rachel grumbled.

"Oh, come on. We had fun too," Joey stated, pressing his thumb lightly against the injury on her forehead before pulling it away to reveal a small amount of blood. "Hold on, I'll get you a band aid."

He headed towards the bathroom and Rachel shouted after him, "I'm not sure what you mean by fun. Maybe different is the right word, because I can't say I've ever been to a lunch where someone placed a salad bowl on their head and began to dance the Macarena."

Of course, she was referring to Ross's little impromptu dance that had happened during her and Joey's disastrous lunch date with him.

"Sure you have. Admit it, sometime during the 90s you got drunk and put a bowl on your head to do that dance. I mean that song was everywhere. How could you resist," Joey replied from the bathroom.

"Oh, right how could I forget? Must have been too drunk to remember like Ross was after his fifth gin and tonic at lunch today," Rachel replied sarcastically.

"I'm just glad we got him back to his apartment and in bed," Joey said as he exited the bathroom with a band aid in hand, which he then placed on her forehead. "Better?" he asked.

Rachel nodded and pointed to the bandage. "About this, yes. About Ross, no."

Joey sighed. "Stop worrying. It will get better. He just needs time. Ross has Charlie now and she'll get him through this. He just needs to stop thinking of you as his, like he owns you or something. Does he really think he can date, but you can't? He's being misogynistic."

Rachel's eyes narrowed, not sure if this was actually her boyfriend talking and not some imposter wearing a Joey suit instead. "When did you get so serious and learn big words … and Ross get so weird."

"I know words. I read …" Joey faltered for a second, trying to come up with the correct answer, "scripts. Besides I've always been serious. It's called being an _actor!_ " Joey enunciated the last word of his sentence using a terrible accent Rachel thought he meant to be British, but it came out sounding like a mixture of Irish and Southern instead.

"Right," Rachel said. "And I suppose Ross has always been weird or at least uptight enough to create these awful panic attack like meltdowns when it comes to me."

Joey placed a hand against her cheek and caressed her skin with his thumb. "I guess I can't blame him. I'd have a hard time letting you go too. I mean, I did before … even though I never had you in the first place, but I do now. So …"

He slowly began to move closer which caused Rachel to make a move of her own. Quickly she maneuvered away from him to sit down on the couch. Then leaning forward Rachel placed her head in her hands. "Joey, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I've been putting it off." Her words were muffled from behind her fingers.

"What?" She heard Joey's voice beside her and looking up saw that he had settled down on the couch as well.

Rachel lightly touched the tiny bandage on her forehead and thought of her analogy from earlier, the one about ripping the band aid of their relationship away. Unable to meet his eyes, she looked forward and tried to force out the confession she'd been working on since that morning. "Joey … I…" The words stuck in her throat.

Joey grasped her hands forcing Rachel to look at him. "Don't let Ross ruin your day."

She shook her head, "Oh, Joey. He ruined it years ago."

"What are you talking about?"

Pulling in a lung full of air for courage, Rachel expelled it in a sigh that expressed her sadness. "Do you remember when … well, of course you remember when Ross cheated on me? But maybe the memory of it isn't that strong for you as it is for me. For months after that it just tore our group apart. Chandler started smoking again. We couldn't all be in the same room together and our group, this little family of friends we created, broke. Eventually, the situation worked itself out, but look at Ross, he's still acting strange from it all these years later." Rachel paused and the look in Joey's eyes made it hard to continue, because she could see that he knew what was coming. "This morning I realized the reason I kept slapping you. It was my subconscious warning me not to make everyone go through that again. You know, you and me … it's not like it was when I dated Ross. My breakup with him is nothing compared to the cliff I would be facing if we didn't work out and it ended badly. When I started dating Ross, I didn't really know him as well as I know you. Joey, you're my best friend and if we turned into the type of weird relationship like Ross and I have now … I don't think I could recover."

Joey was quiet for a long while after Rachel finished talking. She expected him to make some sort of declaration that he was different than Ross and that things wouldn't be so bad if they did, in fact, break up somewhere down the line, but instead he just stared up at the ceiling as if there was something there Rachel wasn't seeing.

"You know if you look long enough you can see an image of Jesus up there," he finally said. "And a pizza."

"Joey," Rachel whined.

He sighed and then looked at her again. "I guess, I knew this was coming … too good to be true and all, but I've been here before and I was able to move on."

"I'm sorry, Joey. I really wanted this to work. I did, but we're just too good of friends to risk it. I can't lose what we have."

Joey shrugged. "I'm okay, Rach. I just want what's best for you and Emma and if that's only to be in your life as a friend then I'm thankful you even want me around for that."

Without missing a beat, Joey's hands quickly found Rachel's waist and he pulled her in closer. She anticipated his kiss, but didn't try to stop him this time. To her this was their goodbye and boy was it one hell of a sendoff. The feel of his mouth against hers one last time caused a stir of butterflies inside Rachel's stomach, but as their kiss grew more intense, his mouth moving beyond her lips and across her jawline, the urge to slap Joey never surfaced inside Rachel. Maybe it was because she knew this was it. When he pulled away she wouldn't be doing anymore making out with him that might lead to sex. This was the end of Rachel and Joey the couple.

His hands eventually fell away from her torso and Joey's lips stopped moving against hers, but his eyes lingered on her face. He studied her features, like he was trying to memorize them, but before long he shot up and walked over to the door. "Well, guess I should get back to work. See you tonight?"

He turned around to look at her and she nodded her head. After he was gone Rachel was left sitting there feeling strangely cold.


	4. Chapter 4

The coldness surrounding Rachel remained with her as the afternoon progressed into evening. Even after she stepped outside into the warm summer air on her way to pick Emma up from Ross's apartment, the chill in her body held on. She did her best to try and ignore it, although that ended up being a difficult job considering her brain linked the cold to Joey's absence and the thought of him brought about complex emotions she didn't want to deal with. Thankfully, by the time she gathered Emma, apologized once again to her nanny for Ross passing out in his bedroom - an unfortunate result of his day drinking, and then came back home, she thought the cold had weakened. Being with Emma certainly made her feel better and Rachel attributed the warm-up to her little girl's presence. She just had that effect on others.

But, despite the chill being lifted, there was still some negativity to deal with delivered in the form of Gladys's scolding voice coming out of the answering machine. Rachel heard the beep of the phone after she opened her apartment door. There had been missed a call and after pushing the button to reveal the caller's message, Rachel groaned. Gladys didn't exactly have any nice things to say and Rachel had to force her hands over Emma's ears a few times when Joey's makeup artist's word choice became too _colorful_. With a sigh, she erased the message. Rachel didn't think Joey would have put Gladys up to criticizing her. That wasn't like him and she didn't think it would help their situation any bit if he heard what had been said.

Rachel had to admit that hearing the mean words hurt, but at the same time she couldn't blame Joey for telling his make-up lady what had happened that afternoon. If he needed to talk about their breakup with someone then Rachel was just glad that person wasn't a member of their group. She and Joey didn't need a glaringly bright billboard hanging over them proclaiming their romantic relationship had come to an end. Everyone would find out soon enough and hopefully no one would make a big deal out of it. Rachel promised herself she wouldn't drag anyone else into it like she had with Ross. That was why she'd broken up with Joey early on, as a way to avoid all that drama. No one would be hurt this time … well, no one other than her and Joey, but that wouldn't last long. Her actions in the present had dodged a much larger crisis in the future for all of them.

Rachel may have made a promise to herself not to talk about the breakup with anyone, but she wasn't able to follow through with that for very long. After an evening where she and Joey acted civilly, but awkwardly before heading off to their separate beds, Rachel found herself at Central Perk the next afternoon. She was on her lunch break and knew a latte was needed to help keep the persistent cold inside at bay. Phoebe was there already when Rachel arrived and the two of them sat on the couch together in a comfortable silence. Rachel was flipping through the latest issue of Vogue while her blonde friend knitted something. She wasn't sure when Phoebe had picked up her new hobby, but anything was better than guitar playing.

After a while of this quiet companionship, Phoebe suddenly turned to her and asked, "What's wrong? You seem unstable." She then placed her knitting down and began moving her hands around Rachel like she was tracing a much larger version of her.

"Unstable … like mentally?" she asked, her voice not exactly coming off like she was taking Phoebe seriously.

Phoebe shook her head, while continuing to make the tracing motions around Rachel's body. This eventually caused the other to smack her hands away. "Will you quit?"

"I'm just testing your aura. It seems unstable," Phoebe defended herself. "And your emotions are off too. You're being kind of bitchy." Phoebe rubbed the fingers of the hand Rachel had swatted.

"Well, you were too close." Rachel shrugged.

"Ahhh a fear of intimacy," Phoebe replied like it was some big revelation. She then proceeded to write this information down in an imaginary notebook with her imaginary pen.

"What … what are you doing? You're not writing anything." Rachel was annoyed.

"That's what you think," Phoebe replied.

Rachel made an action like she was stealing the other's pretend notebook and then threw it on the ground. Phoebe's made a noise of protest, but Rachel ignored her. "Well, now you can't write anything. Besides you're wrong. It has nothing to do with a fear of intimacy and everything to do with your weird hand movements over me … that's all."

Phoebe pursed her lips and went to retrieve the discarded notebook to put in her purse. Then she crossed her arms across her chest. "Well, something is going on that you're not telling me. Thankfully your aura is willing to talk and she says she's not happy."

Rolling her eyes, Rachel felt compelled to stand up and walk out. Her friend was being strange and making a perfectly normal situation, uncomfortable. However after deliberating this option for a few seconds, Rachel decided against it. Instead she gazed away from Phoebe's accusatory look, and focused out through the windows of Central Perk and onto the streets of New York, wondering if maybe she should tell Phoebe that all her weird hocus pocus hullabaloo was actually accurate. Something wasn't right in Rachel. She wasn't happy. In fact, she was miserable and cold on top of it. She wanted to talk with someone about it, but also didn't want to pull anyone into the breakup. The feel of Phoebe's eyes on her face, eventually brought Rachel's gaze back inside the building and on her friend. "I broke up with Joey," she finally admitted. "There are you happy? That's why my aura or whatever you called it is unhappy."

"What?!" Phoebe shook her head dramatically like the revelation was blowing her mind. "Why would you do that? Obviously not to make yourself happy, because your aura says you're miserable."

Rachel tossed her magazine aside in a little huff of anger, not sure if she was upset at Phoebe for her overblown reaction or at herself for breaking up with Joey in the first place. "Well, I did it to avoid a situation like this down the line, where everyone would get involved in our breakup instead of just one nosy friend with a pretend notebook. I'm sure the longer I stayed with Joey the more likely a break up would involve Chandler, Monica and Ross too and somebody would be crying, I'm sure."

"Probably Chandler," Phoebe snickered, but then put on her serious face again. "Do you realize how dumb you sound? Breaking up with someone you are probably meant for, because you think it might not work out."

"What? I thought you'd be relieved. You always told me I was meant for Ross. What was that whole lobster business about and how they mate for life? You said Ross was my lobster, but now I'm meant for Joey? Is he my lobster now?" Rachel had never taken Phoebe seriously when she had referred to her and Ross as lobsters, but it irritated her now that her friend had changed her tune and Rachel hadn't been informed.

Taking a hold of Rachel's shoulders Phoebe gave her a good shake. "Get yourself together, girl. Do you ever listen to me? I said you guys were lobsters. Who says that?"

Blowing her hair out of her face as it had become disheveled during Phoebe's violent actions against her shoulders, Rachel replied. "Um, you"

"Exactly!" Phoebe nodded her head. "I said he was your lobster before I really knew how you two interacted as a couple. Now I know better. Ross needs someone he's not insecure around, otherwise he will try to control them for fear of losing them. You were always out of his league and he could never forget that. But you and Joey, you're equals. I've seen you two together for years now and it just makes sense. He's exactly what you need and you are exactly what he needs. Joey wouldn't try and keep you from what was best for you, because he wants to keep you close. Tell me, when you broke up with him did he go all crazy freak out style like Ross?"

"No," Rachel said, recognizing for the first time the parallel between Joey's reactions when she originally told him she didn't return his feelings and yesterday after she broke up with him. In both instances he hadn't tried to change her mind. He had just wanted what was best for her.

"Yeah," Phoebe continued. "That's because even though he might come across as a little _simple_ , Joey is probably the most mature when it comes to handling you and you know why, because he cares more about your needs than he does his wants. Now tell me with a straight face that he's not meant for you. He's your swan."

Rachel groaned. "Oh, please … not with the animal comparisons again."

"Okay, but you should probably know that I will assign you guys as swans in my head and also in my notebook," Phoebe replied.

Rachel ignored her and stood up. "I have to get back to work."

"Will you at least think about what I said?" Phoebe wasn't about to give up.

"Yes," she replied. "You've given me a lot to think about." Rachel hoped her tone didn't come across as sarcastic as it sounded in her head. She really did take her friend's word to heart … well, not the swan part, but everything else.

"You promise?" Phoebe urged.

"Yes." Now Rachel's voice was annoyed.

She didn't give Phoebe a chance to say anything else and bolted towards the door. Only in her hurry to escape she ran into Gunther carrying a tray full of coffees. "I'm sorry," she told him, reaching down to help pick up the fallen cups.

"No, I'm s-sorry, Rachel," he stuttered. "Your shirt is ruined."

She glanced down and noticed a dark brown stain mixing with the white of the blouse she was wearing. "Damn it," Rachel grumbled and then looked at her watch to see if she had enough time to head home and change.

It would be cutting it close, but there was a small window of opportunity for her to grab something else. Quickly, she left Gunther to the mess and moved towards the door once more. Before leaving, Rachel glanced over at Phoebe to wave goodbye, but saw that her friend was making motions with her hands to resemble ducks … or probably more likely, swans.

"Honk, honk." She heard her say to which Rachel responded with an eye roll and then left the coffee house.


	5. Chapter 5

With her time crunch looming overhead, Rachel was halfway through unbuttoning her blouse when she opened the door to her apartment. She had to move fast if she wanted to be back at Ralph Lauren in time. After calling in sick the day before, she didn't think it would be smart to come back late from her lunch today and had begun to undress with one hand while using the other to slide the key into its lock. As she slipped the last button through its loop, Rachel entered the apartment and closed the door behind her. She started to yank one arm free from the shirt's sleeve, but stopped and gasped, startled by a figure reclining on the couch. Once the sound was out of her mouth though, Rachel instantly wanted to pull it back into her throat, because upon closer inspection she noticed that the sleeping figure, holding tightly to a large stuffed penguin, was her roommate. The toy he held wasn't Emma's, although Joey liked to claim it was whenever anyone asked, and like the man-child he sometimes could be, her recent ex only brought it out when he was upset.

Why Joey was home during the day and sleeping through it wasn't something she knew the answer to or even wanted to inquire about at that moment. Yes, Rachel had promised Phoebe she would think about all the things that had been brought up during their lunch together, but she certainly didn't want to be forced into making a decision about Joey right then and there. Rachel never made good decisions when rushed.

With this in mind, she tried to tiptoe past Joey without waking him. If her loud gasp hadn't done the job then she didn't think soft footsteps would either. Unfortunately the clicks of her heels against the floor weren't exactly soft, Rachel soon found out, and when Joey made a grunting sound that hinged on him possibly waking up, she panicked. Without thinking too deeply into her actions, Rachel lifted one foot and tried to remove the Jimmy Choo's covering it. Her balance, which was never very good in the first place, let alone with only one foot, was lost and down she crashed. This caused the shoe she had managed to remove to fly from her hand and come down onto Joey's head with a thunk.

As a result of the shoe/head impact, he sat up with a start. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice husky with sleep.

His eyes searched frantically around the room before widening in surprise when they fell on a splayed out Rachel on the floor. "Uh … hey, friend." Rachel tried to invoke a cheery quality, like nothing was out of the ordinary, but ended up sounding unhinged.

"Um, Rach …"

Joey made some hand movements over his chest that she didn't quite understand and when he did them again only faster, Rachel sent him a confounded look. "You know the mime thing isn't exactly a career I'd go for if I were you."

He sighed. "I can see your breasts. Not that I'm complaining, but I don't think it's something you planned."

Rachel glanced down and sure enough her shirt was opened wide exposing her bra. She quickly pulled the fabric together with her hands. "Yeah, I was just changing my shirt, but you startled me and well, I ended up on the floor."

Joey heaved himself up off the couch and went to help Rachel by offering his hand. She kicked off the other heel that was still on her foot and placed the fingers that weren't holding her blouse together, inside Joey's hold. With a gentle tug, he pulled her up to his level and Rachel thanked him. "Yeah, sure," he replied and went to move away from her, but Rachel held his hand tightly.

"Hold on. Joey, why are your eyes red? Are you sick?" she asked out of concern.

His response was a shrug of the shoulders and a yank of his arm to release Rachel's fingers from around his. "Probably from falling asleep on this uncomfortable couch," he said turning his eyes towards the furniture he'd mentioned. "Better get in my actual bed."

It was hard not to miss the shades of a lie in his voice. Rachel knew Joey well enough to tell when he wasn't being completely truthful and now was one of those times. She mentally debated if it was worth getting involved in a topic that would most likely take time and make her late for work, but despite the need to stay on her boss's good side, Rachel decided she owed Joey. "You know you can tell me what's really going on. Why are you home during the day?"

Joey still wasn't looking at her. "I don't want to talk about it, Rach."

"Why not? We're friends. What happened yesterday shouldn't effect that," Rachel reasoned, knowing exactly why he was avoiding her. "Please, Joey this is why I had to break up with you. I didn't want to end up in a situation where we couldn't talk to each other like we usually do and you've never been shy about anything with me before. Why now?"

Joey brought his eyesight away from the couch and back onto Rachel again. "Okay, let's see this as a time when I am going to avoid talking to you about something, because it might upset you and make it awkward between us. Kinda like what you did to me yesterday."

"I don't understand." Rachel moved closer to him, but Joey backed away towards the door leading to his bedroom.

"I don't want to pull you down into my problems. I don't want you feeling guilty for making me sad. I'd rather not say, I'm home, because my girlfriend just dumped me and I'm too depressed to work." He had said he wouldn't talk about it, but that's exactly what he had done. It took Joey a few seconds to realize his error and he made a noise of exaggerated annoyance at himself before saying, "Just ignore all that. I didn't say anything."

He quickly moved through his bedroom door and managed to close and lock it. "Joey!" Rachel complained, when she tried to turn the knob and couldn't get it to move. "Can we talk, please?"

"No, I'm sleeping," he replied and made snoring noises that were cartoonishly fake.

Rachel huffed and crossed her arms across her chest, but her lips turned upward into a self-satisfied smirk when she noticed the stuffed penguin left on the couch. "Well, how can you sleep without Hugsy? You left him out here."

Joey was quiet behind his door for a minute as if he was mulling over the idea of being away from his security blanket. Then Rachel heard the click of a lock turning and saw Joey's hand stretch out from the tiny crack he had opened the door. "Can you give him to me, please?"

Instead of doing as he asked, Rachel pushed against the door with all her strength and managed to widen the crack just enough to wedge herself through. "No Hugsy until we talk." She pressed on Joey's chest slightly to move him out of the way, so she could close the door.

"Why are you pushing this?" Joey threw his hands up in the air, frustrated at Rachel's tenacity. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But, clearly I hurt you and that's not right," Rachel replied.

He turned away from her and went to sit down on the edge of his bed. His voice took on a new tone, one that sounded wounded and exhausted. "What's right is for me to get over you and that's not going to happen if you keep needing to have conversations with me about being dumped. Let me deal with this in my own way without getting you involved."

With a sigh, Joey looked up at Rachel and there was a depth of sadness in his brown eyes that she wasn't used to seeing. It was then that Rachel made an impulsive decision. With Phoebe's words from that afternoon echoing in her head, she sat down on Joey's bed next to him, then placing both hands on either side of his face, Rachel brought his mouth down for a kiss. Instantly the cold that had been assaulting her for the past day, left her body and a warmness began to form, spreading from her stomach out through all the other parts that made her Rachel.

But, Joey pulled away too quickly. "What are you doing? This isn't going to help me get over you, you know."

"I don't want you to," Rachel replied, her body humming with the feel of the kiss still reverberating throughout her body.

Joey frowned. "You want me to keep needing you even if we can't be together? That seems selfish."

Rachel laughed softly. "Oh, my sweet simple Joey." She patted his head in a teasing manner and Joey grumbled. "You're not Ross and I need to stop thinking that you'll react like he does whenever things don't go his way. You aren't right now. You're only concern is that I don't have to deal with being guilty about the breakup and that is so you … my compassionate idiot."

"Hey, stop insulting my intelligence. It's misogynistic."

Rachel gave him a peculiar look, wondering if his proper use of the word yesterday had been a fluke. She decided not to correct him. "I'm sorry. You're not stupid. I think every man has strengths and weaknesses in different areas and even someone as book smart as Ross can get everything wrong when it comes to dating if he's with the wrong person. I was wrong for Ross, but I'm right for you. You're my swan."

It was Joey's turn to give the confused look. "Swan?"

Rachel waved her hand flippantly. "Ask Phoebe … that is ask her after we're done here."

"Done talking?"

Rachel smiled impishly and moved to kiss Joey again, showing him exactly what she had meant. His pull away a few seconds later caused a small panic to rise in her chest, but when he only used the pause to say a knowing, "Oh," Rachel relaxed again. Then Joey's lips were more firm against hers and their mouths parted as the kiss deepened. Eventually this wasn't enough and they fell back against his bed, their hands taking over, finding body parts to caress and tease.

"Is it for real this time?" he asked, after positioning himself above Rachel, her unbuttoned shirt from earlier now laying on the floor alongside other items of clothing belonging to them both.

"Well, you removed my clothes and we're about to make love, all the while there was absolutely zero slaps to your face from me, so yeah, I'd say this is real. It's very real." Rachel sighed happily, glad that she had finally overcome the fear of being in love with her best friend.

Joey replied with a soft laugh that sounded relieved and then he brought his mouth down to kiss the side of her neck. Rachel moaned at the feel of lips against her skin and then gasped when she felt another sensation between her legs. "Oh!" she repeated Joey's expression from before.

As Joey found his rhythm and the two moved as one, Rachel didn't even care when she heard the phone ring, knowing it was probably her boss searching for his missing buyer. He could go to hell. Even though it still sounded dumb to compare Joey to a goose, Rachel nevertheless knew deep down that she had found her swan and wasn't willing to let him go for anything.


End file.
